Some thoughts are too messy for music.
Mavin Thinks
Writing it down before I forget again,
This is thought territory — personal, sharp, and built different.
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The Journal
April 30th
The Reason I Made Music
The Reason Why I Strive So Hard
No childhood is perfect but imma start from somewhere in middle school
Yk school politics - I was nowhere close to being popular or having real friends in school
What made it worse was I had a seizure in fourth grade in school in front of my whole grade.
Child psychology goes like that
Omg that’s scary
I don’t wanna be responsible for that
Let me stay awayLong story short I ain’t have no friends and I was trying really hard to be a soccer player
Fast forward 9th to tenth gradeLiving 3 lives
I’m completely depressed
With cuts up and down my armsOne I never stuck around after school
Was always out to train or practice for club
So no friends really in school like that ykStranded inbeteeen the nerds who I was too dumb for or not Muslim…
Or the popular kids which I was never around ugly and part of the ap nerdsThis around the time I stared experimenting with stupid shi cause if my best friend
and the girl I was with cheated on meMy friend had made music like a lot with his private school friends because he was naturally good and they had money to fuck around in the StuI made a song after I found she cheated on me
Shi was Igh - honestly fucking dog water trash
My boy gassed it up
Got in my own head
Started working od hard cause it felt good just to write all the shit out
Started just writing away
At first it was never I wanna be a rapper
It was me vibing and tryna have a good time
Started recording on garage band
Then found my studio that like is my home Stu yk
And like I loved being able to tell them what kinda sound I wanted and that’s why I really was watching to be able to tell the next guy or whatever what to doI posted a few or whatever and my family had a lot to say
So that was the first like fuckMind you I’m really trying in soccer still
So around this time I just got back from playing in Argentina
And then I snap my collar bone
At the time I thought it was just an injury
But it changed my life
Yk sports sob story
Second fuckSo I’m depressed still
Even more now
I’m taking drugs
Selling drugs so I can get in the Stu
And oh wait
Everyone around me is telling me to stop
Kids at school dmming me to kms
Making spam accts
Third fuckSome other crazy shi happened inbetween fr and I would say 99% of you will never know frIt all ended up with me trying to commmit suicide 7 times in the span of 3 years
Yk life but I was “non-suicidal”
When I moved to Pittsburgh for collegeLife was good in Pitt
I was selling crazy
Had a fire girl
Awesome friends
And there was a kid who I met who knew how to engineer
Then Covid
So everything in the whole world flips
Then the engineer steals everything and all 9 months of work I hadCome back home to a laptop and a usb mic
Start fucking cooking
Hit up my old Stu
“Let me intern for you
I did a marketing project and work with da da da for da da da”Was getting $9 an hour to sit and watch them work so i could learn how to get better
While making their content and creating event etc for them
One day my boy Fritz who is the owner their
He walks in on me working on some on my laptop
Mind you I was allowed to record if it was a free booth
But the producer was working on his beat
So I was mixing a song on my laptop
He was thoroughly surprised
I became head engineer there next week, ready…
At $12 an hour lmfoaooooooListen long story I left there for school in Boston
Same shi happened there like Pitt
Great ass life
Shi going fucking great
But this time I left in my own accord
There was a better path for me here at the time
And I didn’t wanna be a vet honestlyI kept trying and stopping
Trying and stoppingThis year I even tried to rebrand
Got a new phone
New accts
New branding everything
Had a manager and marketer ready
But some personal shi happened and I wasnt able to get the funds togetherI decided to do the stream because I didn’t wanna sit on my ass
I have so much I’ve been working on and is actually fucking fire
Then it was like fuck it imma just go for it
And this time there is no stopping