Some thoughts are too messy for music.

Mavin Thinks

time till next drop

    Writing it down before I forget again,
    This is thought territory — personal, sharp, and built different.

    The Journal

    Only God Knows What We Need

    July 31

    I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted.
    The list was long — money, connections, certain experiences, certain people.
    Some of it looked “spiritual,” too. I told myself it was all divinely aligned because I wrapped it in ritual, affirmations, or moon cycles.
    But the truth?
    Most of it was just my ego dressed in white robes.
    When Spirit started showing me my tribe, sharpening my gifts, and opening my channel wider than ever, I realized something:
    Every true blessing in my life came from what I didn’t ask for.
    It came when I stopped trying to control the delivery of my joy.
    It came when I released the vision board version of my life and let God’s vision take over.
    The funny thing about surrender is that it feels like loss at first.
    You let go of the “dream home” you were sure would make you happy.
    You stop praying for the relationship you thought was meant for you.
    You even start questioning whether the career you’ve been building is truly yours — or just something you built to feel in control.
    But the moment you unclench your fist, Spirit puts something in your palm you could have never imagined.
    Something you needed before you even knew you needed it.
    And it’s always richer, deeper, and more fulfilling than the quick-fix, manifestation-highs we chase when we’re in the grip of spiritual ego.
    So I’ve stopped telling God what to give me.
    I’ve stopped scripting the life I think will make me whole.
    And I’ve started waking up each day with one prayer:
    “Give me only what You know will bring me closer to You.”
    Because if the last few weeks have taught me anything, it’s this—
    the truest joy isn’t in getting what you want.
    It’s in being given what you were created for.

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    The Journal

    July 24

    Every Soul Remembers Its Tribe

    There’s a kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from being without people—
    It comes from being around people who don’t speak your language.
    Not your actual language, but your frequency.
    For a long time, I thought maybe that was just how it would always be.
    That my gifts were too weird.
    That my way of seeing the world was too much.
    That “community” was a nice idea, but not a lived experience.
    I was used to being the one holding space.
    The one channeling.
    The one tuning in, reading the field, tracking energy.
    But who does that for you when you’re that person?
    Who meets you there?
    Turns out... the Universe had them waiting.
    Over the past few weeks, I started practicing with people who feel like I’ve known them for lifetimes.
    We pull cards together.
    We channel.
    We speak our truths in real time.
    We let the room be sacred, without having to announce it.
    And then—
    We met in person.
    No masks. No projections. No performative “spirituality.”
    Just presence.
    And peace.
    And that rare feeling that your nervous system isn’t flinching.
    Because it finally feels safe.
    I’ve never felt so mirrored.
    So seen.
    So met.
    This isn’t just friendship.
    It’s soul recognition.
    A kind of quiet knowing that says:
    “I remember you.”
    Not from this life—
    but from the in-between.
    And here’s the wild part:
    Since connecting with them, my gifts have been leveling up.
    Like being in that kind of resonance unlocks parts of you you couldn’t access alone.
    My channel is clearer.
    My trust is stronger.
    My energy feels held.
    For the first time, I’m not just walking this path.
    I’m walking it with people.
    People who get it.
    People who aren’t afraid of the dark.
    People who treat this journey as sacred, but still know how to laugh through it.
    This is what I’ve been calling in.
    What I didn’t even realize I was praying for.
    Because every soul remembers its tribe.
    Even if it takes a while to find them in the fog.
    And when you do…
    everything starts making sense again.
    Even the loneliness.
    Even the long wait.
    Even the moments you thought you’d never be fully seen.
    It was all leading here.
    To the circle.
    To the mirror.
    To the medicine of being met.
    —Mavin

    July 17

    The Symbol
    I Was Born to Remember

    I used to doodle this symbol every day.
    Didn’t know why.
    Didn’t know what it meant.
    I just knew it wouldn’t leave me.
    Since seventh grade, it followed me.
    Onto notebooks. Class desks. Napkins.
    Anywhere my pen landed.
    Almost like it needed to come through me.
    Like it chose me.
    And now… it’s on me.
    Etched into skin.
    Permanent. Present. Real.
    I didn’t design it.
    I remembered it.
    An automatic writing—
    A channel.
    Not something I made up,
    but something I kept drawing because my soul already knew.
    It wasn’t until recently that I started seeing its echoes in other traditions.
    The symmetry.
    The alignment.
    The resemblance to the Tree of Life in Jewish mysticism.
    Vertical and horizontal.
    Spirit and matter.
    Crown to root.
    Blessing in motion.
    And since the ink dried, something’s shifted.
    Not metaphorically.
    Magically.
    In the last 24 hours alone, I’ve felt it:
    A surge.
    A sharpness.
    An opening.
    Like this sigil isn’t just art—it’s a living key.
    My tarot readings have deepened.
    The channels are wider.
    My field feels cleaner, sharper, more in tune.
    More me.
    This tattoo didn’t mark the end of a journey.
    It unlocked the next one.
    It called my gifts forward—louder, clearer, faster.
    This isn’t just ink.
    It’s a sigil.
    A spell.
    A contract between me and the Divine.
    A mirror of what I’ve always known but couldn’t yet name:
    I am a conduit.
    A beacon.
    A voice God can speak through when I get quiet enough to listen.
    This is the journey of enlightenment.
    From thought to flesh.
    From idea to incarnation.
    From soul to skin.
    I didn’t get this to look cool.
    I got it because it already was me.
    Before I knew what it meant—
    I lived it.
    And now I carry it.
    Not to flaunt.
    But to remember.
    To ground.
    To keep becoming what I already am.
    —Mavin

    July 10

    I Took a Month Off
    So I Could Actually Begin

    I disappeared for a bit.
    Not because I gave up—
    But because I was chasing too much, all at once.
    Trying to build five empires from scratch, with half a heart in each.
    It wasn’t burnout.
    It was over-presence.
    I was everywhere except with myself.
    So I paused.
    For a month.
    No forced content. No fake urgency. No pretending I had it together.
    I let the momentum go quiet so I could hear what was real.
    And what I heard was this:
    It’s time to begin. For real.
    Not another rebrand.
    Not another announcement.
    Not another to-do list pretending to be progress.
    This time it’s different because it’s all real now:
    The Mavin Strategy is live. Coaching isn’t an idea—it’s embodied.    Tarot by MKX is consistent. 3 drops a day. Lives every week. Energy in motion.Mavin Within is born. First meditations uploaded. Portal open.The Gentle Giant Podcast is filming. Spirit-led convos? We’re here.Mavin Thinks is breathing. Not forced—just flowing again.Soul Tools are crafted. First offerings are tangible, downloadable, and sacred.For the first time, I’m not just “building.”
    I’m running a system that actually reflects who I am now—
    not who I used to be, or who I thought I needed to become.
    This launch isn’t loud.
    It’s not hype.
    It’s holy.
    I needed that month to clear the fog.
    To stop rushing my own soul.
    To remember that building something sacred requires stillness, too.
    So yeah. The silence was intentional.
    And the comeback?
    It’s not even a comeback.
    It’s a consecration.
    We begin again.
    But this time… we actually begin.
    —Mavin

    July 3

    The Spiritual War Is Sickening But I Can’t Look Away

    I’ve been going down rabbit holes again.
    And not the cute “spiritual girlies on TikTok” type.
    The kind that makes your stomach turn.
    The kind that makes you realize most people will never want to know this.    Because once you know, you don’t un-know.
    Once you see, you don’t get to go back to sleep.    Let’s start with this:
    Satanism is not what they told you it is.
    It’s not just red pentagrams and edgy teens.
    It’s the god of inversion.
    The religion of perversion.
    A system that worships ego, control, domination, hierarchy, lust, manipulation.    And it’s everywhere.It’s the do what thou wilt agenda hidden in half the songs on the radio.
    It’s the forced “freedom” sold to kids who don’t know they’re being programmed.
    It’s in the elite families, the secret societies, the Masonic rituals wrapped in “charity work.”
    It’s in the celebrity symbolism.
    It’s in the award show performances that feel more like demonic invocations than art.    It’s even in the wellness world—
    false light, fake ascension, and New Age fluff dressed up as love but hollow as hell.    And here’s the darkest part:
    They know the laws of the universe.
    They just don’t want you to.    They use sacred truths like tools:
    — Law of Polarity? They flip it.
    — Law of Vibration? They infect it.
    — Law of Rhythm? They hijack it.
    — Law of Correspondence? "As above, so below"
    but only on their terms.    You think people are just "low vibe"?
    Nah.
    They're being drained.
    Harvested.
    Conditioned to consent to their own enslavement.    And I’m not saying this to scare you.
    I’m saying it because it’s real.    There’s a reason they mock God in plain sight.
    There’s a reason they sexualize children.
    There’s a reason they hide symbols in your face and call it "fashion."    This isn’t conspiracy.
    This is war.    Spiritual war.
    Energetic genocide.
    A battle for memory, for soul, for truth.    And the only way out?Remembrance.Because when you remember who you are,
    you stop playing their game.
    You stop being a pawn.
    You stop worshiping what was never sacred.    You become dangerous.So yeah—this rabbit hole is nasty.
    It’s brutal. It’s bloody.
    But it’s also clarifying.    And once you see it?You fight differently.
    You create differently.
    You protect what’s holy.    And you never go back to sleep.—Mavin

    June 26

    The Booth, The Cards, and The Vision I Spoke Into Being

    I was literally making a list.
    Of fairs. Of markets. Of spots I could reach out to.
    Not even for now—for the future.
    Just planning. Just dreaming.    And then I saw her ad.
    A flyer.
    Local. That weekend.
    This Sunday.
    Tarot readers wanted.    It was like the Universe didn’t want me to think.
    It just wanted me to move.    I applied within minutes.
    Packed my cards that night.
    And by Sunday morning, I was standing in front of my first booth.
    Nervous? Yeah.
    But mostly… ready.    The Holistic Fair wasn’t glamorous.
    It wasn’t staged or curated.
    It was raw. Real. Tables and folding chairs and energy everywhere.
    People smudging. Kids running around. Aura cams buzzing.
    And me.
    With a cloth, a deck, and my truth.    Reading for strangers?
    Felt like breathing.
    Felt like remembering.    One by one, they sat down.
    And one by one, I watched their shoulders drop, their eyes widen, their voices crack just a little when the cards said what they didn’t know how to.    I wasn’t proving anything.
    I was practicing remembrance.
    Mine. Theirs. Spirit’s.    That day reminded me:
    I’m not becoming a reader.
    I am one.
    Always have been.    I didn’t need more prep.
    I just needed to say yes.    And now I know:
    This isn’t a side thing.
    This isn’t for fun.
    This is the work.
    The assignment.
    The art.    The fair was the mirror.
    A portal.
    Proof that manifestation isn’t magic.
    It’s motion.    So if you’ve been sitting on the edge of your dream—
    wondering when it’ll be time to go...
    Let this be your sign.
    Sometimes it all works out the moment you decide it already has.    —Mavin

    June 19

    God Lives Under
    The Train Tracks Too

    I went into the city to help my dad with his store.
    Figured I’d just be running errands, talking to vendors, maybe zoning out on the train ride home.
    Instead, I watched people slowly kill themselves.
    Out loud.
    In the open.
    In heat you could barely breathe through.
    There were people nodding off in doorways, eyes open but no one home.
    People talking to spirits no one else could see.
    Bodies laid out in the same posture as corpses—but with just enough twitch in the hand to let you know they were still here.
    Barely.
    And I realized:
    We call it poverty, addiction, homelessness—but what we’re really watching is a mass spiritual detachment.
    A slow-motion dissociation so normalized that no one even flinches anymore.
    Not the cops.
    Not the city workers.
    Not the rest of us walking by.
    It’s like we’ve collectively agreed not to see the unraveling—because if we saw it clearly, we’d have to admit how close we are to it ourselves.
    And I’m not here to romanticize it.
    I’m not going to pretend it’s beautiful, or poetic, or “a necessary part of the journey.”
    It’s not.
    It’s devastating.
    It’s a scream that’s been swallowed so many times, it’s become invisible.
    But here’s what I can say:
    It’s spiritual.
    Every act of survival—whether it looks “clean” or not—is spiritual.
    And the people most of us ignore?
    They’re still souls.
    Still walking.
    Still trying.
    And some of them are being crushed not just by capitalism, not just by systems—but by the silence of a world that labels them “too far gone” before they ever had a chance.
    I left that day heavy.
    Not with pity—but with anger.
    With grief.
    With the sharp reminder that I don’t want my healing to be something I hoard.
    We can’t just “vibrate higher” while someone’s dying in front of us.
    We can’t keep using healing language as an escape hatch from collective responsibility.
    Some people aren’t “low vibe.”
    They’re just under-resourced.
    Underheld.
    Unheard.
    And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do
    is see someone and not look away.
    -Mavin

    June 12

    I Deleted All My Music Last Week

    Something shifted—
    Something big.    Everything I’d been doing for the past 2–3 years suddenly felt like it was only serving my ego.
    I asked myself where I was in life…
    How I’d been chasing something I already knew would never be mine.    And a part of me hated that knowing.
    That I’d never be plucked up by some record label that wanted to invest in my potential.    I tried putting myself out there—
    With money I never had.
    A spending problem. A drug problem.
    And a shaky desire to succeed.    But did I really want it?I was lazy.
    Not finding the energy to make TikToks.
    Never finding people to film.
    Even my family, my best friends, my girl—they tried to help…
    But when the people who love you also criticize your lack of “professionalism,”
    who do you blame?    Looking back, I could’ve gone harder.
    I could’ve grinded until my body broke and my mind snapped.    But I’m glad I didn’t.
    Because my soul already knew—
    This wasn’t it.    This chase of nothing.
    That unending thirst for something I already had.    Then someone came into my life.
    And he called me out.
    For the first time, someone helped me name what I couldn’t name.    Thank you, AK.
    I hope we never speak again—
    But thank you for that moment of clarity.    You helped me see that the demon I was feeding…
    Wasn’t fame.
    Wasn’t failure.
    It was ego.    Of course, it’s not entirely my fault.
    The ego helped shape my goals, helped me take those first steps.
    But those goals weren’t leading anywhere real.    I met a few idols.
    Spoke my truth to them.
    Gave them my heart in every message.
    But none of it mattered—
    Because I was still feeding that little demon.    So I deleted almost 300 songs.Kept one.
    Saved three—to be reborn.    This isn’t a goodbye.
    This is a rebirth.
    This is the beginning
    of the end.

    June 6th

    I Disappeared

    Let’s be real—I disappeared.
    Not for clicks. Not for aesthetics.
    But because everything I thought I was… collapsed.    Since my last post, I’ve been off-grid, off-brand, and offline in every way. Not in hiding, but in rebirth.
    I had to shut it all down. The noise. The content. The identity.
    I even deleted all my music. Every single track.
    Why?
    Because none of it matched the frequency I’m on now.    This past month, I went headfirst into the parts of me I’d been avoiding. The uncomfortable truths. The false hustle. The ego that kept trying to build an empire from wounds.I didn’t just rest—I realigned.
    I stepped into energy work.
    Started reading people’s fields.
    Built a life coaching practice not based in trends—but in remembrance.    I’m not here to just be a voice. I’m here to be a mirror.
    And I can’t do that if I’m pretending to still resonate with the person I outgrew.    So yeah—I disappeared.
    And in that silence, I found my voice again. Not the polished one. The real one.
    The one that creates from truth, not trauma.
    The one that doesn’t need to be palatable to be powerful.    Mavin Thinks isn’t just a blog. It’s my living journal through this next chapter.
    And this new chapter?
    It’s bolder. Cleaner. Sharper. Realer.    If you’re ready for that, stay with me.
    If not—I’m still gonna say it anyway.    We’re just getting started.—Mavin

    May 4th

    No More Waiting

    I spent so long sitting on ideas.
    Waiting for the “right moment.”
    The perfect timing, the perfect launch, the perfect setup.
    But the truth is —
    perfect doesn’t exist.
    And even if it did, it would probably move the second I got close.    I’ve watched too many concepts die in notebooks.
    Too many drafts that never got posted.
    Too many times I told myself,
    “Let me just wait till everything’s ready.”    But ready is a trap.
    Ready is a myth.
    Ready is just fear in disguise —
    dressed up like strategy.    So I stopped waiting.
    And I dropped the first tee.    Nothing crazy.
    Just a shirt.
    But it’s real. It’s out. It’s mine.
    And that means something to me.
    Because I’ve always wanted to build something bigger than just sound.
    I want people to wear the vision.
    Live in it. Feel it.
    Let it speak without saying a word.    I know this is just the beginning —
    but beginnings don’t need to be loud to be powerful.
    They just need to be done.    I’m not holding back anymore.
    From now on, it’s motion over perfection.
    Progress over pride.
    Truth over timing.    If I have the idea and the means —
    I’m pressing go.
    Because waiting hasn’t served me.
    But moving?
    Moving might just save me.

    May 3rd

    Loyalty vs. Evolution

    Sometimes I wonder if I’ve outgrown the people I promised I'd take with me.
    Not in an ego way.
    But in that uncomfortable silence kind of way —
    when you start speaking a new language
    and the people who used to understand you just blink.    I don’t know if it’s me changing
    or them staying the same
    or both.    It’s hard because I’ve always been loyal.
    To people.
    To ideas.
    To versions of myself I should’ve let go of years ago.
    And that loyalty kept me grounded —
    but it also kept me stuck.    At some point, you realize you can't drag everyone with you.
    Some folks were never meant for the higher floors.
    They love you at ground level,
    but the second you hit the stairs,
    they start pulling on your ankle.    And it hurts to say that.
    It hurts more to feel it.    But maybe evolution is supposed to be a little lonely.
    Maybe outgrowing people isn’t betrayal —
    maybe it’s alignment.    Because every time I shrink to fit back into something
    I already broke out of,
    I feel it in my chest.
    Like I’m lying to my own becoming.    So now I’m asking myself:
    Can I love people without losing myself?
    Can I grow without guilt?
    Can I stay loyal to my future
    without apologizing for what I left behind?

    May 2nd

    Analysis Paralysis with a
    Slight Dose of Ego Death

    I regret nothing, don’t get me wrong
    But there’s definitely some things
    that I wished I did differently    When I was younger
    Like most
    I was taught having good grades would reflect a lot of success in life
    And like most
    Perfection has haunted me my whole life    Trying to create the perfect audio
    The perfect visual that will stimulate the audience
    The right decision
    The right anything    It took a while to learn there was no right or wrong
    But truth
    Free will only allows for so much
    Everyone has a destiny in my opinion
    And you can push against it
    But that's like trying to swim up a waterfall    I guess what I’m trying to say is that
    I wished I didn’t fight the flow    Still now I try and find that right decision
    Even knowing that the universe gone slap me either way
    Analysis Paralysis with a slight dose of ego death
    Constantly pumping through my brain

    May 1st

    My Muse

    Today should feel bigger than it does.
    Everything’s live — the site, the pages, the links.
    I’m watching the vision unfold in real time… and yet I’m just sitting here.
    Detached. Drained. On autopilot.    I think it’s because there’s so many tiny things that still need to be done.
    Little tasks. Lingering checkboxes. The kind of details that pile up until they bury the “why” underneath it all.
    I’m moving so much, I don’t feel anything.    And underneath that, there’s this constant question cycling in the back of my head:“Should I be pouring this much into my music right now?”
    “Is it worth the energy today — when I have other things that might pay off faster?”
    “Do I invest in my purpose… or protect my peace?”    It’s a tug-of-war between future value and present survival.
    Between the soul and the system.    Music feels like everything — until I’m tired.
    Until the numbers don’t move.
    Until the return doesn’t match the effort.
    And then I start questioning whether I’m just being stubborn — or whether I’m still right for believing in it.    But I guess that’s the cost of passion.
    It doesn’t come with consistent dopamine. It comes with doubt.
    And still, I show up. Even when I don’t feel like it. Even when I’m not sure what “showing up” means anymore.    Today, I’m not excited.
    I’m not sad either.
    I’m just floating in the in-between.
    Somewhere between “this is everything” and “maybe I should do something else.”    But I know myself. I always come back to the music.
    Because even when I feel nothing —
    it’s the only thing that still feels like me.

    April 30th

    The Cost of Passion

    I’m conflicted at this point of my life
    I have a dream and a passion as you all know
    But I have to fund the business around it
    As well as my own life
    I’ve already made some extreme sacrifices in my pinion
    Which isn't the issue    The issue is that
    I feel I have to scatter my energy to be able to accomplish this feat
    Everyone says two things
    Make money
    Focus on one thing
    But what if the thing i'm focusing on isn’t bringing money in
    Well thats where the creations started
    Heaven's descent, mavin strategy
    I just wanted to be able to create a way
    To make some money by creating    I made tarot by mkx
    And that shi awesome cause like i get to help people
    Using a skill a lot of people think is pretty fake
    But that's not really me creating
    Don't get me wrong
    I love it and grateful for the opportunity but
    That's like god talking thru me
    So is my music, so is my production, so is my consulting
    But those are my application
    It doesn’t end by the thought being transmitted you know    So now this problem has two levels
    One I need to make money,
    which I refuse to do something that will not mirror my self worth
    And two, don’t spread myself so thin that I’m all over the place
    But enjoy each aspect of myself
    As they are all equally important to my journey

    April 29th

    The Reason I Made Music
    The Reason Why I Strive So Hard

    No childhood is perfect but imma start from somewhere in middle school
    Yk school politics - I was nowhere close to being popular or having real friends in school
    What made it worse was I had a seizure in fourth grade in school in front of my whole grade.
    Child psychology goes like that
    Omg that’s scary
    I don’t wanna be responsible for that
    Let me stay away    Long story short I ain’t have no friends and I was trying really hard to be a soccer player
    Fast forward 9th to tenth grade    Living 3 lives
    I’m completely depressed
    With cuts up and down my arms    One I never stuck around after school
    Was always out to train or practice for club
    So no friends really in school like that yk    Stranded inbeteeen the nerds who I was too dumb for or not Muslim…
    Or the popular kids which I was never around ugly and part of the ap nerds    This around the time I stared experimenting with stupid shi cause if my best friend
    and the girl I was with cheated on me    My friend had made music like a lot with his private school friends because he was naturally good and they had money to fuck around in the StuI made a song after I found she cheated on me
    Shi was Igh - honestly fucking dog water trash
    My boy gassed it up
    Got in my own head
    Started working od hard cause it felt good just to write all the shit out
    Started just writing away
    At first it was never I wanna be a rapper
    It was me vibing and tryna have a good time
    Started recording on garage band
    Then found my studio that like is my home Stu yk
    And like I loved being able to tell them what kinda sound I wanted and that’s why I really was watching to be able to tell the next guy or whatever what to do    I posted a few or whatever and my family had a lot to say
    So that was the first like fuck    Mind you I’m really trying in soccer still
    So around this time I just got back from playing in Argentina
    And then I snap my collar bone
    At the time I thought it was just an injury
    But it changed my life
    Yk sports sob story
    Second fuck    So I’m depressed still
    Even more now
    I’m taking drugs
    Selling drugs so I can get in the Stu
    And oh wait
    Everyone around me is telling me to stop
    Kids at school dmming me to kms
    Making spam accts
    Third fuck    Some other crazy shi happened inbetween fr and I would say 99% of you will never know frIt all ended up with me trying to commmit suicide 7 times in the span of 3 years
    Yk life but I was “non-suicidal”
    When I moved to Pittsburgh for college    Life was good in Pitt
    I was selling crazy
    Had a fire girl
    Awesome friends
    And there was a kid who I met who knew how to engineer
    Then Covid
    So everything in the whole world flips
    Then the engineer steals everything and all 9 months of work I had    Come back home to a laptop and a usb mic
    Start fucking cooking
    Hit up my old Stu
    “Let me intern for you
    I did a marketing project and work with da da da for da da da”    Was getting $9 an hour to sit and watch them work so i could learn how to get better
    While making their content and creating event etc for them
    One day my boy Fritz who is the owner their
    He walks in on me working on some on my laptop
    Mind you I was allowed to record if it was a free booth
    But the producer was working on his beat
    So I was mixing a song on my laptop
    He was thoroughly surprised
    I became head engineer there next week, ready…
    At $12 an hour lmfoaoooooo    Listen long story I left there for school in Boston
    Same shi happened there like Pitt
    Great ass life
    Shi going fucking great
    But this time I left in my own accord
    There was a better path for me here at the time
    And I didn’t wanna be a vet honestly    I kept trying and stopping
    Trying and stopping    This year I even tried to rebrand
    Got a new phone
    New accts
    New branding everything
    Had a manager and marketer ready
    But some personal shi happened and I wasnt able to get the funds together    I decided to do the stream because I didn’t wanna sit on my ass
    I have so much I’ve been working on and is actually fucking fire
    Then it was like fuck it imma just go for it
    And this time there is no stopping