Some thoughts are too messy for music.
Mavin Thinks
Writing it down before I forget again,
This is thought territory — personal, sharp, and built different.
The Journal
time till next drop
I Deleted All My Music Last Week
June 12
Something shifted—
Something big.Everything I’d been doing for the past 2–3 years suddenly felt like it was only serving my ego.
I asked myself where I was in life…
How I’d been chasing something I already knew would never be mine.And a part of me hated that knowing.
That I’d never be plucked up by some record label that wanted to invest in my potential.I tried putting myself out there—
With money I never had.
A spending problem. A drug problem.
And a shaky desire to succeed.But did I really want it?I was lazy.
Not finding the energy to make TikToks.
Never finding people to film.
Even my family, my best friends, my girl—they tried to help…
But when the people who love you also criticize your lack of “professionalism,”
who do you blame?Looking back, I could’ve gone harder.
I could’ve grinded until my body broke and my mind snapped.But I’m glad I didn’t.
Because my soul already knew—
This wasn’t it.This chase of nothing.
That unending thirst for something I already had.Then someone came into my life.
And he called me out.
For the first time, someone helped me name what I couldn’t name.Thank you, AK.
I hope we never speak again—
But thank you for that moment of clarity.You helped me see that the demon I was feeding…
Wasn’t fame.
Wasn’t failure.
It was ego.Of course, it’s not entirely my fault.
The ego helped shape my goals, helped me take those first steps.
But those goals weren’t leading anywhere real.I met a few idols.
Spoke my truth to them.
Gave them my heart in every message.
But none of it mattered—
Because I was still feeding that little demon.So I deleted almost 300 songs.Kept one.
Saved three—to be reborn.This isn’t a goodbye.
This is a rebirth.
This is the beginning
of the end.
Where The Thoughts Go
MAVIN
KAKKAR
Most Recent Journal's
The Journal
June 6th
I Disappeared
Let’s be real—I disappeared.
Not for clicks. Not for aesthetics.
But because everything I thought I was… collapsed.Since my last post, I’ve been off-grid, off-brand, and offline in every way. Not in hiding, but in rebirth.
I had to shut it all down. The noise. The content. The identity.
I even deleted all my music. Every single track.
Why?
Because none of it matched the frequency I’m on now.This past month, I went headfirst into the parts of me I’d been avoiding. The uncomfortable truths. The false hustle. The ego that kept trying to build an empire from wounds.I didn’t just rest—I realigned.
I stepped into energy work.
Started reading people’s fields.
Built a life coaching practice not based in trends—but in remembrance.I’m not here to just be a voice. I’m here to be a mirror.
And I can’t do that if I’m pretending to still resonate with the person I outgrew.So yeah—I disappeared.
And in that silence, I found my voice again. Not the polished one. The real one.
The one that creates from truth, not trauma.
The one that doesn’t need to be palatable to be powerful.Mavin Thinks isn’t just a blog. It’s my living journal through this next chapter.
And this new chapter?
It’s bolder. Cleaner. Sharper. Realer.If you’re ready for that, stay with me.
If not—I’m still gonna say it anyway.We’re just getting started.—Mavin
May 4th
No More Waiting
I spent so long sitting on ideas.
Waiting for the “right moment.”
The perfect timing, the perfect launch, the perfect setup.
But the truth is —
perfect doesn’t exist.
And even if it did, it would probably move the second I got close.I’ve watched too many concepts die in notebooks.
Too many drafts that never got posted.
Too many times I told myself,
“Let me just wait till everything’s ready.”But ready is a trap.
Ready is a myth.
Ready is just fear in disguise —
dressed up like strategy.So I stopped waiting.
And I dropped the first tee.Nothing crazy.
Just a shirt.
But it’s real. It’s out. It’s mine.
And that means something to me.
Because I’ve always wanted to build something bigger than just sound.
I want people to wear the vision.
Live in it. Feel it.
Let it speak without saying a word.I know this is just the beginning —
but beginnings don’t need to be loud to be powerful.
They just need to be done.I’m not holding back anymore.
From now on, it’s motion over perfection.
Progress over pride.
Truth over timing.If I have the idea and the means —
I’m pressing go.
Because waiting hasn’t served me.
But moving?
Moving might just save me.
May 3rd
Loyalty vs. Evolution
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve outgrown the people I promised I'd take with me.
Not in an ego way.
But in that uncomfortable silence kind of way —
when you start speaking a new language
and the people who used to understand you just blink.I don’t know if it’s me changing
or them staying the same
or both.It’s hard because I’ve always been loyal.
To people.
To ideas.
To versions of myself I should’ve let go of years ago.
And that loyalty kept me grounded —
but it also kept me stuck.At some point, you realize you can't drag everyone with you.
Some folks were never meant for the higher floors.
They love you at ground level,
but the second you hit the stairs,
they start pulling on your ankle.And it hurts to say that.
It hurts more to feel it.But maybe evolution is supposed to be a little lonely.
Maybe outgrowing people isn’t betrayal —
maybe it’s alignment.Because every time I shrink to fit back into something
I already broke out of,
I feel it in my chest.
Like I’m lying to my own becoming.So now I’m asking myself:
Can I love people without losing myself?
Can I grow without guilt?
Can I stay loyal to my future
without apologizing for what I left behind?
May 2nd
Analysis Paralysis with a
Slight Dose of Ego Death
I regret nothing, don’t get me wrong
But there’s definitely some things
that I wished I did differentlyWhen I was younger
Like most
I was taught having good grades would reflect a lot of success in life
And like most
Perfection has haunted me my whole lifeTrying to create the perfect audio
The perfect visual that will stimulate the audience
The right decision
The right anythingIt took a while to learn there was no right or wrong
But truth
Free will only allows for so much
Everyone has a destiny in my opinion
And you can push against it
But that's like trying to swim up a waterfallI guess what I’m trying to say is that
I wished I didn’t fight the flowStill now I try and find that right decision
Even knowing that the universe gone slap me either way
Analysis Paralysis with a slight dose of ego death
Constantly pumping through my brain
May 1st
My Muse
Today should feel bigger than it does.
Everything’s live — the site, the pages, the links.
I’m watching the vision unfold in real time… and yet I’m just sitting here.
Detached. Drained. On autopilot.I think it’s because there’s so many tiny things that still need to be done.
Little tasks. Lingering checkboxes. The kind of details that pile up until they bury the “why” underneath it all.
I’m moving so much, I don’t feel anything.And underneath that, there’s this constant question cycling in the back of my head:“Should I be pouring this much into my music right now?”
“Is it worth the energy today — when I have other things that might pay off faster?”
“Do I invest in my purpose… or protect my peace?”It’s a tug-of-war between future value and present survival.
Between the soul and the system.Music feels like everything — until I’m tired.
Until the numbers don’t move.
Until the return doesn’t match the effort.
And then I start questioning whether I’m just being stubborn — or whether I’m still right for believing in it.But I guess that’s the cost of passion.
It doesn’t come with consistent dopamine. It comes with doubt.
And still, I show up. Even when I don’t feel like it. Even when I’m not sure what “showing up” means anymore.Today, I’m not excited.
I’m not sad either.
I’m just floating in the in-between.
Somewhere between “this is everything” and “maybe I should do something else.”But I know myself. I always come back to the music.
Because even when I feel nothing —
it’s the only thing that still feels like me.
April 30th
The Cost of Passion
I’m conflicted at this point of my life
I have a dream and a passion as you all know
But I have to fund the business around it
As well as my own life
I’ve already made some extreme sacrifices in my pinion
Which isn't the issueThe issue is that
I feel I have to scatter my energy to be able to accomplish this feat
Everyone says two things
Make money
Focus on one thing
But what if the thing i'm focusing on isn’t bringing money in
Well thats where the creations started
Heaven's descent, mavin strategy
I just wanted to be able to create a way
To make some money by creatingI made tarot by mkx
And that shi awesome cause like i get to help people
Using a skill a lot of people think is pretty fake
But that's not really me creating
Don't get me wrong
I love it and grateful for the opportunity but
That's like god talking thru me
So is my music, so is my production, so is my consulting
But those are my application
It doesn’t end by the thought being transmitted you knowSo now this problem has two levels
One I need to make money,
which I refuse to do something that will not mirror my self worth
And two, don’t spread myself so thin that I’m all over the place
But enjoy each aspect of myself
As they are all equally important to my journey
April 29th
The Reason I Made Music
The Reason Why I Strive So Hard
No childhood is perfect but imma start from somewhere in middle school
Yk school politics - I was nowhere close to being popular or having real friends in school
What made it worse was I had a seizure in fourth grade in school in front of my whole grade.
Child psychology goes like that
Omg that’s scary
I don’t wanna be responsible for that
Let me stay awayLong story short I ain’t have no friends and I was trying really hard to be a soccer player
Fast forward 9th to tenth gradeLiving 3 lives
I’m completely depressed
With cuts up and down my armsOne I never stuck around after school
Was always out to train or practice for club
So no friends really in school like that ykStranded inbeteeen the nerds who I was too dumb for or not Muslim…
Or the popular kids which I was never around ugly and part of the ap nerdsThis around the time I stared experimenting with stupid shi cause if my best friend
and the girl I was with cheated on meMy friend had made music like a lot with his private school friends because he was naturally good and they had money to fuck around in the StuI made a song after I found she cheated on me
Shi was Igh - honestly fucking dog water trash
My boy gassed it up
Got in my own head
Started working od hard cause it felt good just to write all the shit out
Started just writing away
At first it was never I wanna be a rapper
It was me vibing and tryna have a good time
Started recording on garage band
Then found my studio that like is my home Stu yk
And like I loved being able to tell them what kinda sound I wanted and that’s why I really was watching to be able to tell the next guy or whatever what to doI posted a few or whatever and my family had a lot to say
So that was the first like fuckMind you I’m really trying in soccer still
So around this time I just got back from playing in Argentina
And then I snap my collar bone
At the time I thought it was just an injury
But it changed my life
Yk sports sob story
Second fuckSo I’m depressed still
Even more now
I’m taking drugs
Selling drugs so I can get in the Stu
And oh wait
Everyone around me is telling me to stop
Kids at school dmming me to kms
Making spam accts
Third fuckSome other crazy shi happened inbetween fr and I would say 99% of you will never know frIt all ended up with me trying to commmit suicide 7 times in the span of 3 years
Yk life but I was “non-suicidal”
When I moved to Pittsburgh for collegeLife was good in Pitt
I was selling crazy
Had a fire girl
Awesome friends
And there was a kid who I met who knew how to engineer
Then Covid
So everything in the whole world flips
Then the engineer steals everything and all 9 months of work I hadCome back home to a laptop and a usb mic
Start fucking cooking
Hit up my old Stu
“Let me intern for you
I did a marketing project and work with da da da for da da da”Was getting $9 an hour to sit and watch them work so i could learn how to get better
While making their content and creating event etc for them
One day my boy Fritz who is the owner their
He walks in on me working on some on my laptop
Mind you I was allowed to record if it was a free booth
But the producer was working on his beat
So I was mixing a song on my laptop
He was thoroughly surprised
I became head engineer there next week, ready…
At $12 an hour lmfoaooooooListen long story I left there for school in Boston
Same shi happened there like Pitt
Great ass life
Shi going fucking great
But this time I left in my own accord
There was a better path for me here at the time
And I didn’t wanna be a vet honestlyI kept trying and stopping
Trying and stoppingThis year I even tried to rebrand
Got a new phone
New accts
New branding everything
Had a manager and marketer ready
But some personal shi happened and I wasnt able to get the funds togetherI decided to do the stream because I didn’t wanna sit on my ass
I have so much I’ve been working on and is actually fucking fire
Then it was like fuck it imma just go for it
And this time there is no stopping